I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize