Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
