did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Found your dick twin last night
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
