i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
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