If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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