Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
