how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
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