Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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