an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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