The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
