Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
don't judge my taste in strippers
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
