What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
