Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
