so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize