part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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