I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
