Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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