Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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