Betty ford says i'm here all night
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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