You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize