It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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