How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
