went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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