I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
