So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
