Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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