I must be too annoying 4 u.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
