I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize