Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
