i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
