Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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