Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
