You smell like stripper and shame
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
