i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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