I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
