I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
