Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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