I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
