Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
