I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
