so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
