i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
