Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
