I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
God, you're like boner-b-gone
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Randomize
