question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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