Can i not drive my cunt home
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
