Got a toothbrush?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
