Already got asked if we're dating
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
