shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
