yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
