Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
You may now shotgun with the bride
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
