so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
