Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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