Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
