i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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