The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
