Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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