If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
