uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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