My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
