How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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