omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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