there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Randomize