so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
