Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize