This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
