You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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