My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
