dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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