I'm eating all of the evidence.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
