I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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