so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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