fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
